Saturday, June 28, 2014

Sunday Story Snippet - Faith - 3

I can't explain how excited I am to share this weeks snippet for you. I spent a lot of time editing it yesterday; I'm so relieved that I finished it in time. I basically rewrote everything what I had already written, and I think it adds a lot to the remainder of the book and ties up some loose ends.

If you haven't read the previous snippets, here they are. I'd love for you to read them and comment if you like!

Faith: Part One
Faith: Part Two

Eek! I have no idea why I'm so excited for you all to read it... But I am :)

      Alynn stopped walking. All chatter from the villagers disappeared. Everything was silent. In a matter of seconds her life could change drastically. Was this the moment she had been dreading? Was this the time that she had begged God not to let happen? Still no one moved, and still no one talked. Tension and suspense were in the air; prayers were being lifted up from every mouth.
      A swoosh of air sounded in the sky. A stream of fire streaked down towards the village. Chaos was released in every home. Screams erupted, echoing across the whole village. People ran out of their houses as the dragons attacked, spurting fire onto the exposed roofs. Raiders entered the scene, mixing in with the horror that had already started.
      This was the moment.
      We weren’t even expecting raiders in the first place. Alynn’s legs refused to move. And now they’re attacking in the middle of the day. Glancing up to their house, she saw her father motioning for them, holding a small burlap sack in his hand. Enna grabbed her hand and yanked hard, forcing Alynn to move. Fire spurted up on the path beside them, devouring houses and trees. They were half-way up the hill when dragons attacked their house as their mom escaped just in time.
      “Mom! Dad!” Alynn stumbled over a root in the path, causing her to fall down. Her dad shouted something she couldn’t hear. The bag he was holding crashed beside her. Alynn scrambled to her feet, handing the bag to Enna and looking to her parents. 
      “Head into the forest.” Their father instructed, yelling over all the noise, “Keep the bag hidden. Do not show what’s inside to anyone. Guard it with your lives. We’ll meet you there.”                                                                                          
      Alynn wanted to protest, to disobey his words. What if this was the last time they saw each other? What if this would be the last time they were all together? All Alynn did was nod, and ran back down the hill with Enna. Sparks of tears pooled in the corners of her eyes and eventually ran down her face. There were too many doubts that cycled through her mind.
      Flames crackled. Earsplitting shrieks rang through the air. Utter despair and desperation could be heard with every scream and cry. Raiders were seen taking people away while loved ones could only stand by and watch. There was no way anyone could resist. There were just too many raiders and only so many villagers. A recognizable shout from behind drew their attention. A raider atop of a dragon stood confronting their parents.
      Not thinking, Enna immediately took action, running back up the hill to offer aid. Alynn clutched her dress tightly, preventing her from going any further. She shook her head back and forth with a worried expression.
      “We need to do what Dad said.” Alynn’s voice trembled. “What’s in this bag,” she motioned to the sack she was holding, “I believe it’s more valuable than we think. We need to get this out of sight.”
      The raider now had a sword pointed at their parents, gesturing for them to get on the dragon. Alynn whimpered and clasped her hand over her mouth. What will become of us? Her dad’s hand crept to his sword by his side, but the dragon shot a small spurt of fire on his arm. He fell to the ground, clutching his arm, pain was evident.
      “Dad!” Alynn gasped, her stomach flipping itself in circles. Enna whimpered, wrapping her arms around Alynn. He had always been there for them. He provided for the family; he cared about their safety and personal lives. He was the best father anyone could ask for.
      The raider roughly dragged their dad up by the arm, hauling him onto the dragon’s back. Alynn sobbed into her sister’s shoulder as her mom hesitatingly followed her husband. 
      Alynn stared blankly at the destroyed village, fear gripping her by its deadly grasp. Her mom met her gaze before the dragon took flight, and raised a finger to the sky. Though no words were spoken, Alynn knew what she was trying to tell her.
      Have faith in God.
      Alynn bobbed her head slightly, trying to see how she could at a moment like this. Why would God let this happen?
      “Alynn…” Enna’s voice quavered, “That raider is looking at us.”
      Alynn met the raider’s gaze. He was short and young, probably not much older than Enna. Wavy hair met his shoulders, and the symbol from the kingdom, Driscoll, on his armor glinted in the sunlight. That’s where the raiders were from. “Let’s get out of here.”
      Taking one last look at their parents, the sisters ran back down the remaining part of the hill. Heartbreak from the village overpowered the sunniness of that day. Faith was dwindling fast as people watched their joy get ripped away from them.
      “We’re almost to the forest, Alynn.” Enna’s quavering voice betrayed her weak try at optimism. “Almost to safety.”
      A flap of wings sounded as a dragon flew past the sisters, circling back to meet them. Alynn eyes grew wide. There it was, crouching in front of them. Its repulsive breath made Alynn feel faint as the wind sent ripples down the dragon’s dark scales that were the color of death itself. The dragon clamped his jaw and shook his head, saliva running out of his mouth through his deadly sharp teeth. Smoke puffed out of his nostrils, creating small dark clouds in the air, leaving behind a slight burning smell. His bloodshot eyes met Alynn’s. On top of the dragon was the same raider who had captured their parents.
      “How could you?” Enna screeched, her face scrunching up with sadness and anger. “How can you willingly destroy so many lives?”
      The raider twitched his jaw, pursing his lips together. Guilt and desperation shone in his eyes. He hesitated; then dug his heels into the dragon’s side.
      The dragon flicked its tail, stalking towards them. She felt Enna’s hand against hers. Lifting her skirts up from the ground, they sprinted under the dragon’s legs, dodging its spurts of fire. The earth thudded with every step the dragon took, trying to crush them with its massive feet.
      “Duck!” Alynn screamed. The dragon’s tail swooped over Enna, and then streaked towards Alynn. Fire. Screams. The dragon. She felt a thump on her head. A moment of blinding pain. Darkness. Alynn crumpled in a heap on the ground.

Well there you go :) Thank you so much to those who commented last week. It's a huge encouragement! Please keep in mind that even though I go through and edit it every week; this is still a first draft. I haven't finished the book yet, so there will be some major things I will change. (I'm assuming so at least) Anyway, I hope you enjoyed :)

- Katie

(Camp NaNoWriMo is in TWO DAYS!!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? I am really excited :)


  1. Replies
    1. I know right :) It was sad for me to write :(
      - Katie

  2. LOVE the changes you've made. Sets up the rest of your story SO well. Very sad - glad that at least the parents are alive for now. (Unlike, ahem, certain Disney movies)

    1. Why thank you :)
      Oh dear, it must happen in every one of them it seems. I don't understand why they can't just keep them alive :)
      - Katie

  3. Scary, full of tension, and destructive, but very well written. There is always a glimmer of hope. Makes you waiting for the next snippet!



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